Of days gone by...

Oh how joyful it is to watch your kids grow up. My wee girls are both in school now, the youngest in Junior Kindergarten. OY!

Time is flying and we often feel the need to record every moment because the things that they do and say are so very precious we are terrified we will forget them.

Some of my favorites...

Lilah asking if she can sit 'benext' to me or if we can go on a b'venture. Even more precious was Lilah saying the other night 'I miss the old days...I miss being three...being four is hard'
Or Izzy when she used to sing 'Kwinkle Kwinkle' Little Star.

Then there is Lilah and her wiggle dance that she does...primarily when she is naked...or 'nakey' as she calls it, and Isobel talking with her hands like what she is saying is the most important thing on earth...which it is!

They grow up so fast and before you know it they are getting their first raise (like my oldest daughter Cait). Take the time today to put down the phone, tablet, newspaper...close the computer turn off the TV and watch and listen to your kids...today will be tomorrow before you know it and there will be so many yesterdays you wish you could get back. Sing  to them, read to them, dance with them...play with them. they need you more than they need anything else and the most precious gift you can give them is time...and it is really all they want.

Looking for some more parental inspiration? Check out this post over at A Cup of Jo and then read anything over at Hands Free Mama.

My favorite time of day is bedtime when I crawl into bed and sing to each of my girls...three songs each and then I give them snuggles, kisses and say goodnight...I always say 'I'll see you in the morning'...and they always say 'not if I see you first'. It doesn't matter what has happened that day, how frustrated I have been with them...it always makes me smile.

I can't wait until bedtime...you?

In my household of late...

Good Day everyone in blogland...oh how I am missing you. I have tried to keep abreast of what is going on out there, comment when I can but time is tight these days as many of you well know, and some things just fall to the bottom of the imaginary list...not today!

I downloaded some pictures off my camera this morning and thought I would share all that has been happening in our household of late.

The tree is up and trimmed. This is my favorite thing to do getting ready for the season ahead. Nothing starts until the tree is up for me. My husband tries to hold me off as long as he can, but this year he did a wonderful thing and surprised me with a tree... Or he would have, had I not looked at the bank account and noticed a transaction that did not make sense. Still it was a nice surprise that I totally needed. More important...he knew I needed it. I could love him for that alone.

Last week I came home to find this wonderful craft that my daughter made at school, it is her handprint on a glass ball with the fingers made into little snowmen (I'm sure you've all seen versions of this on pinterest) but it was so nice to receive it along with it's little poem about how fast she will grow up...not gonna lie, I cried...yup it was a nice gift to receive and hang on our tree.

 My tree is steeped in tradition and memory. My family growing up was not big on following the same traditions each year, there was never a right way or a wrong way to do Christmas, but the one thing we always had were our ornaments. The same ones went up every year, I always had my favorites, and I still do today. the ornaments have been passed to me, and for that I am thankful. Each year I realise just how much these simple little things mean to me. I am not one to hold onto things for sentiment, so these things that I pack away every January and dig out every December bring me great joy.

Another thing I try to do each year is to build a Gingerbread house. One year I even made my own gingerbread...only one year because ugh that was a chore, and a frustration to beat all frustrations...so now as un inspired as it is, I buy a kit. The girls and I did this one day last week, it was fun, they enjoyed and I let them...meaning I did not take over too much, try too hard to control the outcome wanting perfection, these moments were perfection enough...

 

A self portrait by Isobel...I couldn't resist :o)

So this is what has been up in my neck of the woods in my moments at home with the girls...the rest of the time I have been in the gallery where I am happy to report that people are shopping local and buying handmade.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to each of you!

2 Days until my big girl comes home...

2 More Saturdays to shop...

10 Days until the big day...

YIPEE!

Halloween wrap up...

I am not a huge fan of Halloween...I never trick or treated when I was a kid, my parents preferred instead to take my brother and I out for dinner and then to the mall where we could pick out something special.

As a mom I find it a bit stressful. Coming up with costume ideas and then feeling the need to make the costumes myself. Having said that, when the costume is done it is a great sense of accomplishment, but it is just one more thing on the ever growing 'to do' list.

This year we opted for easy...still home made, but easy. The girls went as black cats...a far cry from the original purple sponge that Izzy wanted to be and a whole lot easier. I simply made cat ears and a tail that I sewed onto a black shirt, painted the tip of the tail white, painted on the nose and whiskers, and Bob's your uncle, we had kittens!

They had fun, my husband had fun,and I handed out candy. All in all it isn't so bad. Izzy has already informed us she wants to be a puppy next year...we'll see if that one sticks.

I did partake in a few candies despite it being day one (see post here) however day two has me down 1.5 pounds...so it proves that drinking water and exercise makes all the difference in the world...and it proves it is exactly what my body has been waiting for...hence it's quick response. That result won't be everyday, but it is a good start. And as for the candy...well we threw all our leftovers out and only kept two small buckets for the girls...I can steer clear of that.

I hope every one had a great Halloween.

Happy Tuesday!

Thanksgiving...the Verdict

I figured I could not leave all 6 of you hanging (yes I only have 6 followers...but I'm new so it's okay). Thanksgiving as hosted by my 21 year old daughter was fabulous!

It was a bit hectic the night we arrived and my little girls (2.5 and almost 4) did not manage to fall asleep until midnight and even then it was a fitful night sleep with me lying on the floor with them rubbing backs and cheeks to lull them back to slumber...I was tired the next day. But we woke Sunday morning to a wonderful warm day with the sun shining. Jake and Caitlin worked out the timing of the meal and that was it for us until it was time to eat.

Caitlin set a beautiful table...as you recall she said prepare to be amazed...and amazed I was...sort of. To say I was amazed would imply that I had little faith in her abilities, which is not true. I knew she would do a great job and she did.

The turkey was cooked to perfection, the ham as well, fluffy mashed potatoes, the best candied carrots I've ever had and a wonderful new addition of panko breaded asparagus spears. Yum! Of course the meal was followed by dessert which as always was sublime with her fresh apple and pumpkin pies and whipped cream and ice cream. My waistline suffered, but my palette did not.

Apart from doing the dishes I did not lift a finger all day...it was wonderful!

It was one of the nicest Thanksgivings on record and Caitlin and her boyfriend Max proved to be wonderful hosts...so much so that Jake and I would like to make it a new tradition...what do you think Cait?

Monday saw us enjoying the Kitchener Oktoberfest/Thanksgiving Day parade which was amazing and kept the girls thoroughly entertained for almost two hours (and we left before the parade was over).

After that we headed on over to St. Jacobs to explore the village this time (you may recall we loved the market). It is a lovely little village and thanks to fellow blogger Lisa Roy who mentioned in a comment on my last St. Jacobs post that the Bakery there was a must see...oh we saw...we ate and we loved! My mouth waters at the memory.

Hope your Thanksgiving (if you celebrated) was as glorious as ours was.

Thanksgiving...

And so it is that as fall takes it's hold on us here at the top of the northern hemisphere, it is our Canadian Thanksgiving. This is truly my favorite time of year as I have posted about before. I love the changing colours, the crunch of leaves underfoot, and the chance to wear the boots, leggings and warm knits that have been tucked away all summer. But what I love the most is the time for reflection that Thanksgiving brings.

via pinterest

This weekend we will be travelling as a family to stay at my oldest daughter Caitlin's apartment. She will be, at the fair age of 21, hosting her first family Thanksgiving. We came upon the idea when she and I were enjoying the St. Jacobs Market a couple of weeks ago...you can read about it here, and ever since she has been a ball of excitement at the idea of it all. Jake and I have been telling her not to get stressed over it, it is just us after all...and she insists she is not, and I believe her. So sweet is she, that  she even started a Pinterest board for Thanksgiving ideas. Her words to me last week were "prepare to be amazed". To say that we are proud and excited would be an understatement. I have been getting a play by play all week about her preparations, list making, grocery buying schedule etc.,  and with each call or Facebook message my smile grows just a bit bigger.
 

 

via Caitlin's pinterest


As my smile grows I reflect on how thankful I am that my daughter is growing up to be such a mature responsible young adult. She is thoughtful, caring, and funny and of all the paths that teenagers can travel down she went the right way. I am thankful that though for much of her life I was considered a 'single parent' I was not, as she and I had the love and support of my parents.

I can only hope that I can get it right with my two little girls who I am so thankful to have in my life. They bring me such joy each and every day with something as simple as a look or just the sound of their giggles. I am thankful that I still have the love and support of my parents who are part of my little girls lives on a daily basis...what would I do without them? 


my mom and dad at the 'X' 1966

  

I am thankful for the love, support, friendship, strength and humility of my husband. I wonder often where life would have taken me if I had not met him, and shudder to think of a life without him. He is my rock even though he gets tired of that every now and again. He makes my heart smile every day and what a joy that is.

I am thankful for wonderful friends too many to mention, and above all else thankful for my health and wellness.

I hope everyone out there whether celebrating Thanksgiving or not can take a moment to be thankful for someone or something in their lives.

Have a wonderful weekend! Happy Thanksgiving!

...and Lilah makes three...girls that is

So last but not least we come to my darling little Lilah. My baby, my youngest and perhaps my most headstrong of the bunch. This a long one people...sorry ;)

Lilah's story begins with an ongoing discussion between Jake and I as to whether or not we wanted to have another child. More truthfully he was sure he did and I was not. Being uncertain about this is strange to me now as up until about two days ago (when we found out the big 'v' had indeed taken) I was not sure if I could live without having a fourth.

Jake always felt that he wanted a family of the same size as he grew up in, as he is one of two children, he felt he should have two children. Given that Cait is from my first marriage and 18 years older than Izzy I understood where he was coming from. Me on the other hand, I was scared about the prospect of raising two children at the same time. I knew how to raise one, and I had gotten her to 18 without too much trouble, but two...could I manage that? Did I want to? In the end we decided to leave it to chance certain that our ease of getting pregnant with Izzy was a fluke and that it could take a while or not happen at all, I was after all getting older.

Jake an I got married in early September 2008 and late that month, on my birthday actually, I felt as if my whole being was unraveling. I remember saying to Jake that I was either pregnant or having a nervous breakdown...I was pregnant. Jake and I were having a honeymoon baby. I was surprised once again at how easily I got pregnant. thinking back I shouldn't have been, right from the word go it was evident that I was a fertile being; I got pregnant with Caitlin the first time I ever had sex, pregnant with Izzy the first cycle after coming off  Depo Provera, and now pregnant with Lilah mere weeks after stopping the pill.

So here I was pregnant and I am ashamed to say now that I was not too sure how I felt about that. Surprised was the first thing, and then I had to settle into the idea...and I had to tell my mom. My mom had many times voiced her feeling that we should not have any more; she wasn't sure she had enough love to go around she said. She could not imagine loving anyone as much as she loves Izzy and Caitlin. Caitlin figured it out right away and was happy for us all, and she would be part of my plan to tell my mom. We decided to all go to Ikea one morning for their dollar breakfast...it was the plan to tell here here in the crowded cafeteria so as to limit her reaction...her reaction would be that of joy and happiness...and surprise that I was afraid to tell her.

The morning sickness that plagued both other pregnancies was present for this one as well and once that was behind me it seemed it would be smooth sailing...but it was not. One night at around 13 weeks after having been to the doctor for a check up I had some spotting just before going to bed. As my appointment had included an internal, we thought it was of little concern. At about 2am I woke in pool of blood, and I was consumed the the fear that I was having a miscarriage. Jake jumped into action and away we went to the hospital. Thankfully we only live about 3 minutes by car from the hospital as so from the time I woke to the time I was on a gurney being examined was probably less than 20 minutes. Unfortunately they could not tell me much. the heartbeat was not evident yet but that at this stage of the pregnancy meant little. They examined everything looking for evidence of a miscarriage but again could not find anything and again this meant little. Being in a small town hospital is great, but it has it's drawbacks...no overnight radiology. And so we were sent home to wait for an appointment for an ultrasound.

This would not come until the following day. To say that the day spent waiting was agonizing would be an understatement. Not knowing if you were losing your baby or not was worse than knowing I think...at least at that point it time it felt that way. The bleeding continued during this time, though it did slow, but I spent that day grappling with my emotions. Here I started this pregnancy unsure of my feelings and now it was very very clear that I had grown attached to the life growing inside and it may be taken from me. Everything became very concrete for me; the knowledge that I loved and wanted this child and the guilt at having been so unsure at the beginning. I promised myself that I would embrace this pregnancy fully if I was lucky enough to continue with it. As I walked the hall of the hospital going into the ultrasound suite alone (they would not let Jake come in with me) I had to steel myself for whatever news may come. I laid on the table belly bared and held my breath as the technician made her initial passes with her wand...and then she said words I will cherish for all of time...'there is a heartbeat'. Everything came back to life for me and I know how very lucky I am. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child to miscarriage, but I know the fear of not knowing.

It would be diagnosed as a uterine tear and I was told not to worry about it, as it would repair itself, and the baby was fine. The bleeding continued but slowed to spotting until  two days later when I had another gush of blood soak me. Jake hurried home from work, and this time I went to hospital alone. Luckily, one of the doctors that runs the prenatal clinic I receive my prenatal care from was in the emergency department that evening, and he was intent on getting to the bottom of this. He even called the radiologist back to the hospital so we could get an ultrasound immediately...bless his heart for this let me tell you. Again the ultrasound confirmed that the baby was okay and again the diagnosis was a uterine tear but this time in a different location. The doctor explained the situation to me and I was told no heavy lifting, no snow shoveling, and no intercourse. If I followed these directions everything should repair itself and be fine...and it was.

Because of the bleeding there were many ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy, but in none of them would this baby reveal it's gender to us. This time I needed to know, so we went for a 3D ultrasound. I did not want to see the baby, and I think the technician thought I was nuts. I honestly just wanted to know if it had girl bits or boy bits, so we stipulated that we were not to be shown the face or anything else, just the bottom half. Even for this ultrasound the strong willed nature of this child would be apparent, but after some prodding we discovered that we were indeed having another girl. Being a planner this made life much easier, we had all we needed by way of clothes and everything, the only thing we needed to purchase was a crib, as Isobel would only just be 18 months when Lilah was born we did not want to rush her into a big girl bed.

Labour would begin again in the wee hours of the morning, and progress without too much excitement or stalling. Again I made the stipulation of no drugs and a quiet delivery, and again I was the one making all the noise. The pain was a bit more with Lilah as she was sunny side up, but with a little perseverance and a few pushes she joined us weighing 6lbs 14oz. Caitlin would again be present and she would again cut the cord. Lilah was jaundiced and needed a few days in hospital under the lights before we could bring her home, but once home she was welcomed easily by Izzy, which was a relief.

Lilah is my blond hair blue eyed angel with a will stronger than both her sisters combined. Now that she is two it is becoming more and more difficult to manage but she is also the sweetest thing full of love and hugs.

I look at her now and cannot imagine life without her and have had to give myself permission to let go of the guilt of being uncertain about her pregnancy. The reality is I would not have a life without her and I am so glad she is the baby in my brood of girls.

Thanks once again for reading and feel free to share.

Happy Monday all!

Bundle o joy...

It has been a very busy week since my last post and please accept my apologies for this. When I started writing this it was about 9pm and both my little girls (who share a room) were screeching and giggling with each other...I thought I could get away with not stepping in as they were not crying, or jumping around, but alas I had to step in and it is now two days later that I finish this post.

While I have not had time to post recently, I have been stealing away a few moments now and again to read blogs...what did I ever do before I found this world? Anyhoo...a few days ago A Cup of Jo was all about breast feeding and Jo asked her readers to share their stories. It was a wonderful post and it was so good to read all the comments from breastfeeding moms to bottle feeding moms. It was a good dialogue offering opinions and not judgements. It got me thinking about my experiences nursing my three girls and about my birth stories for each. So I thought I would share...if you don't mind.

My oldest daughter is Caitlin. She is a wonderful, smart, funny, beautiful, 21 year old woman now...which is just crazy, and although she thinks I remember nothing about her childhood, I remember all the important bits.

Caitlin  age 21 and Chester (her new puppy)

I was just 16 when I realized I was pregnant. It was a scary time, full of decisions, consequences and pain for me and for my family. When we found our way to the other side having decided that her father (who was 10 years older than me) and I would get married (our choice not my parents), we adjusted to the new life we were all embarking on. When I came to terms with the fact that this was happening, I fell in love with this baby and with being pregnant. The pregnancy was uneventful but for some major morning sickness for the first trimester. I cannot explain it, but in a time before you could find out the sex of your baby I just knew I was having a girl. It seemed to be innate, I only ever picked out a girls name and bought girls clothing without thinking about it. It just seemed that I knew it was a girl though I never really thought about it that much.

Cait age 12ish

One evening towards the end of the pregnancy we were sure we were in labour...we had called the hospital numerous times hoping to get clarification, and finally decided it was best to head over there in person. In we went excited that we would be leaving with our baby...or not. It seems I was not in labour and I was basically told I was stupid for coming in and wasting their time. Not in those words, but that was the basic tone of the night. It was awful walking out of the maternity ward hearing newborns cry and seeing moms and dads with their little bundles and not having one ourselves yet, but it would come, we were just impatient.

Cait age 17

About two weeks later the real show began late one night and it was clear that this was different. Not wanting a repeat of our previous trip to the hospital, I was adamant that I was not going to the hospital that evening. Finally early the next morning I was told we were going and it was no longer my choice...so off we went and after being admitted, checked and confirmed that I was in labour we were off and running. We arrived at the hospital at about 5:30am, around 11am they decided to break my water and then -boom- the contractions really hit hard and fast. One on top of another it was all I could do to catch my breath before the next one was upon me. At one point I levelled my then husband dislocating his thumb as I grabbed his hand during a contraction... However I felt I was doing okay, so when I was told to roll on my side and they injected me with something I was confused.

We had spoken with our OB about not wanting any drugs, and here they were sticking me with what I would later find out to be Demerol...which I would be allergic to. Needless to say this changed the dynamic of the whole affair and now I could not even keep my eyes open. Just before 2pm it was time to push and push I did. With not too much work, she arrived at 2:15pm on a beautiful early May day. Weighing 7lbs 5oz she was the image of her father people would say though now they say she is the image of me (lucky her). It wouldn't be until much later when I recovered from the Demerol and an infection that I would be upset that the doctors had not abided by my wishes. This very thing would be the center pin of my birth plans for the younger two girls. There was no discussion about my options, nor why they felt I needed the injection. From my perspective I was fine, the baby was fine and there was no need for intervention. My guess is they felt a 16 year old could not handle childbirth and felt it their place to step in without consent or consultation.

Regardless, everything turned out fine and though she was a little jaundiced, and I had the infection and the allergic reaction, we went home from the hospital after several days and recovered nicely.

Cheer Cait!

Over the next several days and weeks, I would make my best attempts to breast feed. I was immensely uncomfortable with the whole thing but knowing it was what was best for my baby I tried. It hurt, I had no support with it, as my own mother had never breast fed, and I cried every time I had to feed her...which as those of you who are mothers well know is often. After a few weeks, my family doctor finally encouraged me to bottle feed her telling me that my state of mind as I was nursing her was not good for her. The fact that I was so uncomfortable meant she was not getting the emotional connection that she needed. In hindsight I am sad that I did not soldier on, however I believe that at the time it was the best decision for us all.

Speaking of hindsight, fast forward two years and I am sitting in a surgeon's office discussing breast reduction surgery and being asked if I would want to nurse  again...being closer to my first experience and not even contemplating having more kids in the future I said no...big mistake...more on that when I share Izzy's birth story.

As an aside...there are not baby pics in this post...I am at the gallery without the aid of my photos and my scanner...so forgive me Caitlin...but everyone can trust me that she was adorable right from the word go! These photos were grabbed from our facebook pages.

And to my beautiful grown girl...never forget that your mother loves you with all her heart and is proud beyond measure...you were there first and have been by my side the longest...thank you and I love you.

Cait and I about 4 years ago