Been awhile...

I haven't disappeared literally, just figuratively I suppose. Healing and recovery are going well, but not being out in the world is becoming difficult. I am struggling with motivation and inspiration...I should say I was, because over the last few days things have turned a corner for me.

Let me explain...before the surgery and the cyst that precipitated the surgery I was active and in the middle of my weight loss journey. I had lost 40lbs and had about 40 to go. When the cyst was discovered I felt fine and continued to live my active life, but not long after the diagnosis something happened that left me in pain, a lot of pain. A trip to the hospital to a deaf audience it would seem and they felt it was a bladder infection though there was no pathology to support this. No-one wanted to hear about the cyst and no diagnostics regarding it were done. We know now that if they had they would have discovered that the cyst had moved, and twisted, a torsion cyst, which can be quite dangerous. I suspect that if that had been discovered, the surgery would have happened long ago and recovery would be a thing of the past, but c'est la vie. As it was I left the hospital with antibiotics and went about my business. The pain receded and we presumed the 'infection' was gone. I started to exercise again but again was met with pain. I stopped exercising and waited for a few days then tried again to the same outcome, so for the six weeks leading up to the surgery I did not really exercise. This ended up having a very negative effect on me both emotionally and physically. I gained weight and the tiredness I experienced pre weight loss returned. Now my recovery has been a bit more difficult than I anticipated, in that while I physically feel good, I am so very tired much of the time, and I still cannot do much activity. I always thought I hated running, but did it because it was the best way to burn calories...turns out I miss it so very much and now that the weather is turning I am dying to get outside for a run.

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Anyhow tired, lacking inspiration yada yada yada...Then last week a friend of mine posted to Facebook about a tough run she'd just had and how she ended up walking half of it. She was disappointed in herself and I thought why is she disappointed she got up a 5am, got out the door on a very windy cold wet morning and ran 10k...ummm hello...hero? So as I sat here that morning thinking about her post I thought 'by jeez if she can do that then the least I can do is lace up my runners and get on the darn treadmill'...so off I went and walked a half hour...I realized I had been stuck in a mode where I felt that if couldn't do what I wanted to do (run, yoga, weights) then why bother with anything at all...silly really but that is in the past.

Then on top of the wonderful motivation my friend unknowingly provided me (I did later message her a thank you and some encouragement) I caught a segment of Ellen interviewing Tom Shadyac a Hollywood producer and director. I didn't see all of his interview but caught that he was promoting a new documentary called Happy

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During the interview Ellen asked Tom about his move from his Hollywood mansion to his mobile home...this caught my attention and while I was then distracted by a child in need, when I had time I settled down with my laptop and Google'd Tom Shadyac, what I came across was a documentary he made called I Am. I watched it last night and highly recommend it ( It will explain the move from the mansion).

I have once again found my inspiration, in the people around me and the world at large and cannot wait to get on with things.

I hope your weekend is full of inspiration, love, happiness and health!

Happy Weekend all!

Conflicted...

Happy Monday everyone...hope you all had a wonderful weekend...I did.

I'll start by saying the slipcovers did not happen. I had such good intentions but Saturday just slipped gloriously away from me as the girls and I meandered through the day...we even took a nap together...it was splendid! Sunday saw more pressing matters that needed to be dealt with like cleaning gutters and putting up Christmas lights before it gets too cold. I waited until the end of November last year and froze my finger tips off (not literally in case you were worried). It too was a wonderful day with lots accomplished.

So what does all this have to do with the title of this post...well nothing...just updating you so I can move on to the real reason for this post.

Why are you conflicted? I'll just say it...I hate exercise. I really do. I hate that I have to drag myself out of bed before the sun and the wee ones rise so I can fit in 30 mins of cardio...I hate that I spend that 30 min watching the clock. I hate sweating. No conflict here right? Well here is the conflict; I love how I feel after I have exercised. I love the feeling of accomplishment. I love the surge of energy I get about an hour after I workout that makes me feel like it's gonna be a good day. I love the feeling of absolute exhaustion that tells me I gave it my all. Above all else I love what it does for my body.


before and during



So it is that each day I wake with a heavy foreboding feeling, I drag my a$$ out if bed shlup downstairs praying that neither girl wakes up at the creak of the stairs...I put in my time and hate it while I do, but then the reward of accomplishment comes and I feel for a brief moment that maybe I don't hate exercise all that much.

Happy Monday...here's to a successful week!