19 September 2013

Of days gone by...

Oh how joyful it is to watch your kids grow up. My wee girls are both in school now, the youngest in Junior Kindergarten. OY!

Time is flying and we often feel the need to record every moment because the things that they do and say are so very precious we are terrified we will forget them.

Some of my favorites...

Lilah asking if she can sit 'benext' to me or if we can go on a b'venture. Even more precious was Lilah saying the other night 'I miss the old days...I miss being three...being four is hard'
Or Izzy when she used to sing 'Kwinkle Kwinkle' Little Star.

Then there is Lilah and her wiggle dance that she does...primarily when she is naked...or 'nakey' as she calls it, and Isobel talking with her hands like what she is saying is the most important thing on earth...which it is!

They grow up so fast and before you know it they are getting their first raise (like my oldest daughter Cait). Take the time today to put down the phone, tablet, newspaper...close the computer turn off the TV and watch and listen to your kids...today will be tomorrow before you know it and there will be so many yesterdays you wish you could get back. Sing  to them, read to them, dance with them...play with them. they need you more than they need anything else and the most precious gift you can give them is time...and it is really all they want.

Looking for some more parental inspiration? Check out this post over at A Cup of Jo and then read anything over at Hands Free Mama.

My favorite time of day is bedtime when I crawl into bed and sing to each of my girls...three songs each and then I give them snuggles, kisses and say goodnight...I always say 'I'll see you in the morning'...and they always say 'not if I see you first'. It doesn't matter what has happened that day, how frustrated I have been with them...it always makes me smile.

I can't wait until bedtime...you?

16 September 2013

Monday Musings...

Happy Monday!

It has been a few days since my revelations and realizations took hold, but let me tell you that the shift is palpable...and welcome...and wonderful...and joyful.

I'm not completely there yet, accepting myself wholly and fully is going to be a process but I can see it happening...feel it. This morning I walked down main street and where I normally look at myself in the shop windows and think negatively, today my inner dialogue was different...it was more accepting and appreciative, it liked what it saw.

All around me the world is changing and the direction is a glorious one primarily of acceptance and appreciation how can one not help but be happy? When you are happy those around you are happy, and supportive and appreciative and loving and generous and kind...it really is true...the energy you put out into the world is the energy you get back.

I stumbled upon a new to me blog last week and today's' post was a good one. Over at Marc and Angel Hack Life they are talking about the 9 Things you Do NOT Need to Be Happy. Check it out, it is worth the read and will have you realizing how true this list really is.

And because every post needs a photo I thought I'd share something from my 'Beautiful Inspiration' board on Pinterest...
via my Pinterest

Happy Monday! Hope your day holds beauty love and laughter!

12 September 2013

Revelations and realizations...

When I turned thirty my world changed...I settled into being me I cared less and less what those on the outside thought or said about me and I found a new sense of self. Now as I approach my fortieth birthday I am feeling a further awakening or embracing of who I am and who I want to be.

My whole life my weight has been an issue for me. I always thought my life would begin if I could just lose the weight...and we are not talking a little weight, we are talking about 75-100 pounds at different points in my life. Then I met my husband and he fell in love with me...curves and all. It was powerful and maybe should have ended my fixation on my weight, but it did not. Together he and I struggle and while we generally eat healthily, we are both stress eaters and he in particular tends to nurture others (read me) through food as he loves to cook. I have devoted so much time and energy to thoughts of my weight and longing to change it, willing the scale to move in my direction, cheering when it did, scowling when it didn't. Too much energy...energy that I can and should be directing elsewhere.

I came across a wonderful photographer who is compiling a book called the 'A Beautiful Body Project'. Jade Beal is an Arizona photographer and mother who is essentially wanting to show the world and it's women just how beautiful our bodies are no matter our size. The images she is compiling are compelling and I will admit, difficult for me to look at at first. I have never seen a real body represented in mainstream media. I have never seen images of real bodies in magazines, or in the movies. I grew up with the Molly Ringwald's the Julia Roberts', the Gwenyth Paltrow's...the apparent ideal body type and image, the one we all strive to become. The one we all relate to as beautiful and sexy. I will never be a Julia Roberts, though I do have a killer smile that could giver her a run for her money... So after I came across Jade's project and read a quote (I do not remember if it was Jade or another photographer and I am paraphrasing) about how he/she has photographed many many women naked and all of them whether a size 0 or a 22...all of them have rolls when they sit down, I realized that perhaps it was time to find a way to embrace this body of mine.

Following Jade on Facebook led me to The Militant Baker who is the fierce young women who took on Abercrombie and Fitch via her own photo-shoot and subsequent media popularity (check her out here), which started a slow paradigm shift in my own mind. I looked at her images and thought why can't that body, not dissimilar to my own be considered sexy? But still it is not what I had been hardwired to consider as appealing and so I continued to fight with the scale, and my wardrobe...or desired wardrobe. I would continually go to my Pinterest board 'Personal Style' and pin outfits like this

via my pinterest

As you can well see this beautiful woman is no where near a size 18-20. All of the fashion on my board is of this nature, so far from my reality that all I could do was continue to try to reach that ideal. And then slowly something started to change...slowly I started to see a shift in the fashions showing up on Pinterest for repinning...slowly I started to see this

also via my pinterest
And then I had the thought to search plus size fashion on Pinterest and whole new world flooded in to me. It had me starting (just last night) a new board called Embracing Me... and I have vowed to immerse myself in this board regularly so that I may see the image of myself, the kind of woman I am beautiful in all my curves.

both images via my pinterest

And so as I move into my forties I will let the number on the scale go...it won't be easy it has been my nemesis for so long. I will focus on my current beauty not an unattainable beauty, and I will focus on making this body, the healthiest it can be, because...
via my pinterest

11 September 2013

What I want to be when I grow up...

Oh my, it has been a very long while since I sat down at the keyboard in this way to place my thoughts on the digital page and share them with whomever stops by...it feels strange, unfamiliar and a little frightening, but here I am.

It has been over a year since I left my thoughts here on this blog, and for that I would say I am sorry but I am not. The past year has been one of many ups and downs, trials and tribulations, all of which have brought me back here so hello once again.

I read a comment somewhere last week from a teacher that noted that she treats September as her New Year and she was making her resolutions now and I thought that was quite interesting, and appropriate for so many...and me this year in particular.

Both my wee girls are in school full time now, my big girl has graduated college, settled into a good career as a wedding and event planner at a boutique hotel and she has now just gotten her first big raise as they recognize her dedication and hard work...something I am very proud of myself!

My husband turned 40 this winter and I threw him a huge surprise party where I managed to get a personalized video greeting to him from his favorite singer. We traveled to Boston once again to see said fav singer in concert and had a wonderful mini vacay.

I am about to turn 40 and while the number doesn't really bother me too much, I am now at a point where I am trying to decide what I want out of my life, and whether or not I have found it. In many regards, I have. My husband and I just celebrated our fifth anniversary, my children are happy healthy and thriving, and now it seems it is time to turn my attention inward and find out what I want for me.

I see big changes afoot and while I am not sure exactly how things will pan out, or how to make them pan out, I am working on it. I am scared excited and tentative, but know that the direction I am headed will be what is best for me, and for my family. I see relief in the distance and I am anxious to get there.

My mom has always said that 'A change is better than a rest'...here's to more change!